Ten Tips to Improve Your Self-Esteem

The best way to improve your life and earn the respect of others is to improve your self-esteem. This is not a very difficult task. All that it needs is good guidance. Here are ten tips that can happen when you improve your self--esteem.

1. You should surround yourself with people who are positive and supportive, and shun friends who are cynical and negative. This will generate a huge swell of positive feelings in you. You will respect yourself more, and your self-esteem will grow.

2. You should be clear about what you want to achieve in life. Set goals, and work for their achievement. To make your task easier, break your main goal into several smaller goals which are relatively easier to achieve. This will make the task of reaching your main goals seem easier. It will also give you a feeling of satisfaction whenever you achieve one of the smaller goals.

3. Always be positive about yourself and keep reminding yourself about your good qualities, your accomplishments and how you help your family, friends, others and yourself. Don’t make the mistake of brooding over negative things, and never put yourself down.

4. Develop the ability to accept criticism about yourself, without getting upset or defensive. This will help you eliminate your weaknesses one by one. However, make sure that the criticism is constructive. Don’t allow yourself to be overwhelmed by criticism that is cynical or meant to lower your self-esteem. This will be a great mistake, and do irreparable damage to your self-esteem.

5. We all need to accept the fact that we will fail from time to time. We should not let it get us down or to have too much of a negative effect on us. We should think that we have not been successful this time and that we will succeed the next time. This will help us to pull ourselves together and move on. Such an attitude will help us overcome the most difficult conditions.

6. Never compare yourself with others. This is the easiest way to feel inferior and lose self-esteem. It is much better to rate yourself on your achievements. Such an approach will give you self-confidence. At the same time it will make you feel better when dealing with your peer group.

7. Never put yourself down. Failures are like parasites. If you allow them to grow they will eat away your self-confidence, self-respect and self-esteem. The best is to push negative thoughts out of your mind, if you want others to treat you with respect. This can only happen when you project a positive exterior, even in most adverse situations. Make it a point to filter out all self-criticism.

8. Don’t give in to bullies in your place of work or in your personal life. You must learn to stand up to them. This can only happen if you are assertive about your rights. Of course, this does not mean that you should pick up physical battles to make your point. On the contrary, you should exercise restraint and make your point in a dignified manner. This will not only make others treat you with respect but also increase your self-esteem.

9. You may be self-conscious and because of this you may avoid talking to groups of people. Try to approach groups of people and introduce yourself to them. Ask them questions about themselves and try to be genuinely interested in the answers. Listen carefully and attentively to what they say and respond to show your interest. Interacting with people will make you feel more relaxed. You will realize that it is easy to speak to groups of people and to relax by concentrating on what others are saying, rather than on yourself.

10. Self-esteem is also dependent upon the felling of well-being. A lazy person or a poorly groomed person will always feel inferior to a confident, smart individual. So, you need to take good care of your body. Remember, a healthy body is essential for a healthy mind.

Socializing with Confidence

One of the most nerve-wracking situations for many people is attending social events, particularly those where you don't know anyone else. If you're like many people, you have visions of yourself standing alone, looking awkward, sweating, and sneaking out the side door early. Socializing is difficult for many people. Why? For one, it's a perfect opportunity for rejection.

After all, if you say or do something stupid, it's very easy for the other person to move on to someone else if they find your conversation dull. Or another scenario is one where you're stuck at a table with a bunch of other people you don't know, and you envision yourself staring at your plate all through the meal, completely at a loss of words.

These fears are very common and normal. That's good. It means that, if you feel this way, you're not alone. It also means that when you're feeling awkward in a social situation, others are as well. Even some people who appear to be completely at ease may have a jumble of nerves and self-doubt inside. So what's the solution? If you are the person who speaks out first, makes the first move, and begins a conversation, you're taking the pressure off the other person. No longer are you now the one who is awkward at socializing, but you are now someone who is focused on the other people attending.

Changing your frame of mind in this way can be very helpful. It's also more helpful than changing your frame of mind in other ways, such as using alcohol or other medications (unless you've had a thorough check-up with a doctor who has prescribed anti-anxiety medications). It's true that alcohol can put you at ease and make starting a conversation much easier. The problem is that it also makes it much easier to take another drink, and another, and before you know it (or don't), you really are saying or doing something stupid. Unless you are absolutely confident (no pun intended) in your ability to control your drinking, avoid using this method as a solution to your social fears.

After you have reminded yourself that many other people there are feeling just as nervous as you are, try striking up a conversation. This is easier than it may seem--or at least, it does become easier with practice. One of the best ways to start a conversation is to ask questions. Then keep asking them. People like to talk about themselves, and it's also a subject that we all know well--so this avoids awkward moments trying to discuss the latest political issue or historical fact that someone may not be "up" on for whatever reason (life can get in the way sometimes).

The key to making this work, however, is to actually be interested in what the other person has to say. If you're constantly looking around, interrupting, or giving other signs that you're not interested, you'll quickly offend the other person, who may well walk away. Then you will find yourself in the situation you're trying to avoid.

When possible, take a buddy with you. Just be sure that you don't hide in the corner only talking to each other. Instead, use the "buddy system" to meet new people together. It's always easier when you have someone on your side. Simply knowing that at least one other person there likes you and is rooting for you can give you an instant confidence booster as you reach out to new people. Using the buddy method is also a great way to practice before you have to strike out on your own, which is likely to happen at least once in your lifetime. Feeling prepared will make you feel much more confident when you do find yourself in this scenario.

Forcing yourself to learn new social skills is scary. You are taking a risk. However, once you make the effort, even if it doesn't go as well as you'd hoped, you can feel better about yourself knowing you made the effort. Next time will go better. Give yourself credit for trying.

Self Confident People Make a Mighty Nation

Self-confident people generate money

Self-confident people are filled with optimism and positive thoughts. They have an “I Can” attitude towards life and think it is possible to do great things. They are an asset to the organization they work for as they can be given tasks that demand greater responsibility and accountability.

They hence keep up the quality, which in turn helps their employers to reap greater profits and thus contribute to the well being of both employees and the employer. People like Bill Gates have contributed millions of dollars to the economies of their countries and have been involved in lots of philanthropic work worldwide as well.

Self-confident people generate jobs

Self-confident people are natural risk takers and have enough courage to pursue their innovative dreams. Self-confident people often work very hard for the dreams they believe in and often end up as becoming successful entrepreneurs. They create a lot of jobs for others by their innovative business ventures.

Though Edison faced a lot of difficulties as a child, his mother ensured that his self-confidence did not die. She made all efforts to encourage him and see him become successful. Today GE started by Edison is one of the world’s most competitive corporate organizations and is a hugely admired employer of thousands of people

Self-confident people make the nation self dependent

Entrepreneurs are a great catalyst of growth in any country. They do not sit idly waiting for the government reforms to come and pull them out. Instead they work out innovative ideas, which have commercial feasibility as well. They share the burden of the state by employing other people and giving them jobs.

It saves the government lots of effort and money that could have been wasted in providing for the jobless youth. The money saved can then be routed to other developmental works for the benefit of all. The country does not need to borrow from the organisations like the World Bank and can deal with its developmental affairs independently.

Self-confident people present a better image of the nation

A nation of busy people conducting their day-to-day affairs is much better picture than having unemployed people taking on bad habits and creating a nuisance. Self-confident people are the face of any country, signifying optimism, hard work, determination and self-reliance. This helps the country to portray a picture of hope, dynamism, and growth to foreign investors who would like to conduct business activity and invest money in the country. This help create more and more jobs and a culture of hard work and achievement.

Self-confident people develop a habit of winning

Failure is an addiction and so is winning. It is just a matter of putting your efforts and thoughts in the right direction to become a winner and self-confident people do just that. A positive thought and self-confidence is what is needed to take an initiative, and a small achievement becomes the source of energy. This energy also gives a boost to the self-confidence of a person to take on a bigger leap and get successful. Thus every achievement breeds another initiative for yet another achievement!

Self-confident people help other people achieve their dreams

A person other than having the feeling of kindness and compassion for fellow human beings should also have enough resources or the ability to create resources to be able to help other people for the same. Self-confident people therefore are willing to give a helping hand to people and pull them up.

Self-confident people are an inspiration to others

Self-confident people succeed on both their professional and personal fronts. Self-confident people are respected and often spark others to perform as well and serve as a great inspiration for other people. People take a lesson from their struggles and their ability to turn failure into achievement.

Self-confident people strengthen the fabric of society

An idle mind is a devil’s workshop. Self-confident people in a way save the society from the devil by being busy and involved in constructive activities. People tend to get inspired from self-confident people and the general atmosphere becomes that of hard work and achievement. Such an environment is conducive for growth and development and self-confident people should be given every credit for the same. This overall movement raises the overall self-confidence of the nation and makes it more competitive and a confident participant in the world economic scenario.

Self Confidence Makes You a Great Lover!

Love is a beautiful emotion, a gift of God, given to a chosen few. Not everybody get lots of love in his or her lifetime. However, many times lovers mess it up by not able to meet each other’s expectations by growing too possessive, by becoming overtly shy, by becoming unnecessarily skeptical and what not!

Most of the time, the culprit is within ourselves making us see things much bigger and magnified than they actually are and makes us overreact to events that could have been easily avoided. It is much easier to lose than to build something – especially when it comes to the matters of the heart.

An ignorant and careless person is vulnerable to losing a lot, including his or her life partner as well. This article tells you some simple things that you can remember to help keep you from hurting your partner and keep your love life blossoming. Here are some habits of self-confident lovers.

Self-confident lovers are not jealous

If you are jealous of your partner, this is a sure indication that the foundations of love are not deep enough to withstand the wear and tear of time. Self confident lovers consider their partners as an extension of their own selves and feel happy if somebody has something good to say about their partners. There is no “yours” or “mine” in their relationship. It’s always “ours,” which forms the basis of their love.

Most people get embarrassed or skeptical, or annoyed when someone makes a remark that “Your girl is so beautiful” or “Don’t you think your boyfriend has a talent of impressing girls around.” However, a confident man would say, “Yes. I know she is so beautiful and we are proud to be in love,” while a self-confident girl will shoot back – “Yes. He impressed me too!” Remember that your individual qualities now are a combined “quality pool” belonging to you both, and both partners must treat is as an asset. This is only possible when both of you are confident of each other’s love and commitment.

Self-confident lovers are more forgiving

Since self-confident people can maintain a cool and calm composure in the times of crisis, they are better at analyzing situations and are able to put themselves in their partner’s shoes. This way, they get their partner’s viewpoint and understand their behavior. In many instances, it happens that certain behavior of our partner annoys us or makes us skeptical. Lack of self-confidence can also make us think negatively. However, self-confident lovers believe in the policy of “forgive and forget” and can move on.



Self-confident lovers make their partner more secure and comfortable

In a relationship, looks do matter, but then the characteristics that matter even more are a sensible and rational nature, sense of humor, ability to handle tough situations and more. Self-confident lovers are the best places to look for these attributes. Their self confidence is contagious and they are promising professionals as well.

They enjoy respect and camaraderie, and nurture positive and constructive thoughts. They seem to have the ability to push away problems and provide for their family. In this world where genuine love seems to be an urgent need to calm humanity, a self-confident lover makes us feel secure, comfortable and this life seems worth living for!

Self-confident lovers give their partner a great gift – the gift of independence!

Sometimes love rather than liberate us, actually binds us. So much so that a possessive partner would like to have all the details of our lives. Who are the people you work with? Who was that “Daniel” who gave you a call at 7 in the morning? Why do you want to have your personal car? Why do you have to wear makeup every time you go out? Why are you wearing this dress at this hour…and so on!

Love, which was once the most beautiful emotion in our lives, which seemed to fill us with hope and enthusiasm, now seems to drain out all the energy from us. You feel as if you are bound to someone, answerable to someone and tethered to the wall with limited mobility. Love does not seem much more than slavery. Self-confident lovers realize the importance of independence. They let their partner fly and soar great heights, because they know that at the end of the day, it is to their arms their partner will return!

Self Confidence in Parenting

There's a reason why so many people say it's the hardest job you'll ever have--raising a child. It's challenging, exciting, nerve-wracking, and one of the most amazing things you'll ever experience. Raising a child will put you through every emotion possible, including self-doubt.

Along with the joy of raising a child can come the fear that you're going to do something wrong, create permanent psychological damage, or a whole list of other things that may not go quite right. But relax--keeping a few simple things in mind can help raise your confidence as a parent.

First, know that you will make mistakes. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. If you keep this in mind, you can take a great deal of pressure off yourself. Do your best, of course, but understand that there will be bumps along the road--possibly quite a few of them.

Rather than trying to be a perfect parent, do what you can to prepare for those bumps. Understand where your child is in development and learn what to expect; then expect the unexpected. Also remember that the worst may not happen. Your child may not go through the "terrible twos" or be a reckless teenager. Remember that all children are different. Try not to compare your child or your parenting to others or you may cause yourself unnecessary stress.

Don't believe everything the experts say. Sure, many experts have experience working with hundreds or even thousands of children. Listen to what they have to say, but don't take it as the final say. You know your child better than anyone, and if a piece of advice doesn't seem right for your child, trust your instincts. You're probably right. What may have worked for others may not work for you, and that's okay.

Family and friends are also likely to provide you with ample advice, some of which may be useful and some of which may not. Try to avoid the temptation of giving in to pressure from others if you feel that it is not right for your family situation. This can be difficult, particularly in close relationships. But establishing those boundaries because you know what's best for your child will help increase your confidence simply by knowing that you can determine what's best for you and stand up for it.

Spend time with your child. This may sound like old advice, but more and more studies show that children whose parents show an interest in them are better equipped to deal with some of life's challenges. This also helps you know your child better, which will in turn help you make better choices. It works well for everyone involved.

Seek help when you need it. This may sound contradictory to the earlier statements, but it's actually not. When you know your child and his or her needs well, you have a much better understanding of what advice to accept and what to reject. If you are dealing with a difficult or serious situation, and feel that it is out of your control, it's time to seek outside help.

This does not mean you are a failure. Rather, it shows that you are confident enough in yourself and your parenting to recognize that you may not have all the answers. Certain situations, such as out of control behavior or drug abuse require outside intervention. It's okay to ask for help when you need it, so don't put yourself down if this is the case.

Finally, remember that you are doing the best you can at any given moment. Life doesn't go smoothly all the time, and this is often most obvious in parenting. It's okay to make mistakes and even admit them. And when your children see you do this, you'll show them that a confident person is not perfect and that everyone makes mistakes from time to time. This in turn will help your children feel more confident when they make mistakes, too.

Self Confidence Counseling

To lose your self confidence is to lose your very fiber of trust in yourself. Instead of a person able to freely make sound judgment calls and possesses excellent decision making skills, individuals that lack self confidence are constantly second guessing themselves and often unable to make even the simplest decision without gnawing worry and concern.

If you have found yourself to be slipping into the pit of low self confidence, do not worry, there is hope! Instead of berating yourself over poor actions that occurred in the past, change your future. Seek out counseling that will enable you to rebuild and maintain your self confidence at unparalleled levels.

The first step to self confidence counseling is
making the commitment to seek out and attend these helpful sessions. Whether private or in a group setting, this counseling can be the spark that changes your life. You may enter the sessions as a self doubting, passive individual, but you will leave full of hope and optimism with the ability to totally trust your own actions and judgments. Before you enter counseling, consider any potential obstacles in your current life.

Perhaps your spouse, family member, friend, or co-worker has lowered your self confidence and may be detrimental to your counseling. Perhaps you have experienced low self confidence since childhood and need to break the cycle imposed upon you by your parents or guardians.

Maybe you are in a difficult situation at your job, with employees, bosses, or colleagues constantly tearing away at your self confidence. Whatever the case, you should be prepared to make the commitment to begin a new way of life in order to rebuild your self confidence. Even the smallest changes will help you in this process. Being in the right frame of mind before you begin will assist you to your goal in a quicker, more positive manner.

Once you have determined to seek counseling, begin researching viable options. The World Wide Web is a great source of information on counseling spots in your city or town. If you feel entering counseling will be too overwhelming for you or your schedule does not allow it, the Internet is also a great tool that enables you to virtually meet and discuss with individuals from all over the world.

There are many websites, forums, and chat rooms devoted to individuals working to rebuild their self confidence. You can join these sites anonymously if you are worried about others finding out your private information, but still have the capability to begin some type of counseling. Many individuals have a strong, confidence façade, but lack the same components on the inside. If you find yourself in this situation and do not want the world to know you have a problem with your self confidence, this method of virtual counseling is perfect for you.

Traditional counseling tends to be the most effective method of rebuilding your dwindling self confidence. Universities, hospitals, churches, civic groups, and even local organizations offer counseling of one sort of another. You may be interested in joining a support group in order to interact with others that share your feelings of doubt and distrust.

Many individuals find themselves too shy or ashamed for one reason or another to join a support group, or any other type of group counseling, immediately. If you find yourself in this boat, consider private counseling first, then graduating on to group counseling. If money is a concern, it should be known that group counseling is usually a great deal cheaper—if not free—than private, one-on-one counseling.

What ever form of counseling you decide upon, enter into it with seriousness and determination. If you maintain a positive attitude and strive towards achieving your goals, your self confidence is guaranteed to drastically improve.

Score Killer: Low Self Confidence

Face it, taking a test is a nerve wracking experience. The more important the test, the more nerves are involved and can be a key factor in your score. Some individuals have called for an end to testing, since it is an unfair way to measure the information an individual has learned. Since that is not a suitable option, individuals must shift their focus from “why should I take a test” to “how should I take a test?” Testing is well entrenched in today’s society.

In school, we must take tests to prove our comprehension of a certain subject, we must take driving examinations in order to receive the necessary licenses, and we must tests to determine our general intelligence. However, the way we test is as important as the subject of the test itself. Self confidence plays a major factor in your testing score and for good reason. When you trust yourself, you tend to make better decisions and clearer judgments. You do not second guess your first instinct and confuse yourself due to doubt.

Before you enter into any examination, you should mentally prepare yourself for the test in addition to preparing for the specific subjects covered by the test. One way to do this is to maintain a positive attitude about your capabilities. If you enter into any examination with a poor attitude, you are guaranteed to do poorly on the test. You may have the subject carefully instilled in your mind, but your low self confidence will undermine your attempt every time.

Even if you find you know the answers to the questions present, that voice of doubt in the back of your head will surface and make you question the correctness of each answer you supply. A general rule of thumb is to go with your initial (or gut) instinct. If you feel an answer is correct, more often than not it is correct. However, when your low self confidence kicks in and makes you unable to trust your instincts, problems arise.

One way to conquer the low self confidence killer is to thoroughly prepare for the test before hand. No one does well walking into a test completely unprepared, and you are no different. Take time to review the material carefully in the method to which you are best accustomed to studying. Some individuals find they pick up and retain more information in a verbal question and answer session. Others individuals are visual learners and find the use of cue cards or flash cards exceedingly helpful.

Whatever the case, find your preferred method of study and stick with it! Ask for help from a friend or family member if necessary. After you have reviewed the material, create and complete a practice test. Have a friend or family member administer the examination in a formal manner. This puts you on the spot and calls your self confidence into play. If you can successfully complete the test, whether verbal or written, your self confidence will be boosted.

However, if you take your practice examination and find yourself second guessing your answers, that is a good sign you do not know the material well enough. Consider reviewing the information more in depth, then try the test again.

On the day of the test, forgo last minute cramming. Studies have shown this rush to learn a trivial bit of information is pointless, as your brain cannot retain such hurried information in a reasonable fashion. Instead, take a moment to calm your nerves and reinforce your self confidence. If you are at peace with yourself and your capabilities, you will succeed on your exam.

Self Esteem in the Workplace

The job market can be a stressful and fierce place for individuals of all ages. Whether you are just beginning your first job or fixing to retire after years of diligent work, you will find maintaining your self esteem in the workplace is critical to your success in you specific career field.

Keeping your self esteem at a high level will allow you to best deal with bosses, clients, and coworkers in various environments while maintaining a cool, professional demeanor. This fantastic quality can separate you from the rest of the pack, propelling you to the front for promotions, special projects, and receiving employment.

The task of searching and finding a job that fits into your choice of career field is quite an undertaking. The advent of the World Wide Web allows individuals of all ages, career choices, and places in their employment history to search for job openings in all aspects of the job market. From medical work to teaching positions, you are sure to find a job opening that best fits your needs without leaving the comfort of your own home.

More traditional ways of finding employment includes your local newspaper’s classified advertisement section. Additionally, many individuals seek out headhunters or enroll with temp agencies that have a phenomenal success rate in finding jobs for qualified individuals.

Once you have found the job that best fits your needs, begin the application process. This may prove quite taxing of your self esteem, as you may potentially be turned down by one or more of your prospective jobs. You should not take any dismissals personally, as the business in question is looking at your strengths, experiences, and skills strictly on paper. If you are called into an interview, carefully preparing for the experience will allow you better success than going into an interview without any preparation at all.

Individuals who do well in interviews have a high sense of self esteem and know they are totally capable of completing any task at hand. The potential employer may find it necessary to conduct more than one interview in order to understand all aspects of your personality, work ethic, skills, and experiences that will positively affect your performance at their company.

If you are accepted for the position, your self esteem should be going through the roof! Take this time to positively reward yourself for all the hard work and effort you have put into the job search, application, and interview processes. When it comes time to enter your new place of work, be sure to bring you newly boosted self esteem along.

Maintain your level while meeting your fellow coworkers and your new boss or bosses. Know the chain of command and understand which individual you should seek in different situations. Understand how your place of employment works before you begin to implement or request changes. Only begin to make new rules or regulations after you have thoroughly reviewed the current status and situation of a variety of different things. Your self esteem is sure to take a blow if you hastily make changes for the sake of making changes. If you decide to make changes in your workplace, ask your coworkers for their opinions before any implementation should occur.

Finally, beware of office politics or any other things that can potentially tear away at your self esteem and even danger your position in the company. Maintain a high level of professionalism in all matters of your job, especially when dealing with your coworkers or bosses. When dealing with clients, treat each individual with the utmost respect and in the most professional terms. Your high self esteem is sure to give you a boost in the workplace.

Regaining Your Self Esteem After an Abusive Relationship

Abuse relationships have the capability to inflict tremendous physical and psychological distress on the individual in the relationship. In addition to emotional and literal scars that are caused by abusive relationships, an individual’s self esteem can be completely demolished.

Many individuals in an abusive relationship have been consistently told and shown they are not of value, nor of worth. After constant reminders, both men and women who are victims of abusive relationships begin to think these derogatory remarks are true. Instead of the inner feeling of self worth and confidence, these individuals have little or no self esteem left after the destructive effects of an abusive relationship.

If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, you should immediately remove yourself from the situation. Quite often, this is easier said than done as abusive relationships are initiated and maintained under the pretense of love and affection. If an individual has your well being in mind and truly cares about you, he or she will not verbally or physically abuse you.

Even though this abusive individual apologizes or begs your forgiveness, abuse is cyclic and this behavior is part of its final cycle. Usually, individuals in abusive relationships say their partner is loving and supportive, then violent and abusive, then apologetic and loving. This cycle continues until either party decides enough is enough and ends the cycle.

Individuals in abusive relationships often find themselves trapped and feel their options are extremely limited or nonexistent. If you are in an abusive relationship and feel there is no way out, reevaluate your situation. Turn to friends or family members who will support you in your decision to break ties and end the relationship.

Individuals who are truly your loved ones will want whatever is best for you and support you in any decisions you may make. If you have no one to turn to, seek help from shelters or different organizations that are in existence to help people in your specific situation. With the help of these individuals, you can begin rebuilding your life and renewing your self esteem.

Once you have made the decision to break free from your abusive relationship, begin the process of rebuilding your life. This rebuilding process may take some time, so be prepared to invest a great deal of time and effort into rebuilding your life. You may need to make serious choices regarding your future, including changing locations to another city and changing your choice of career.

Leaving an abusive relationship will most likely mean moving into a new home. You may need temporary housing, so consider staying with friends or family members or staying at a shelter that specializes in abusive relationships. This is an incredibly difficult decision, but the best boost to your self esteem will come after you have made the decision and begin to piece your life back together.

After you have begun the rebuilding process, you may need to seek professional help regarding your mental or physical state. Speaking with a psychologist or counselor may be the initiation necessary to continue rebuilding your self esteem. Seek out a professional that will assist you in that specific area using a variety of different exercises and techniques.

Furthermore, you may wish to join a support group so that you can speak with other individuals who have suffered similar abuse. If you do not have access to a support group or feel attending a support group is not for you at his point in time, consider accessing the World Wide Web and finding a chat room that will serve as support. Once you start on your road to recovery, stay strong and remember you are an individual of worth and value. This will continue to build your self esteem and rebuild your life.

Public Speaking with Self Confidence

Public speaking can be a rewarding experience that allows individuals to showcase their skills or knowledge in a public forum. Public speaking opportunities can allow an individual to help enrich the lives of anyone in the audience by impressing experiences or information that can have life changing qualities.

That being said, many individuals suffer extreme shyness or nervousness when faced with public speaking situations. These situations can range from large audiences of hundreds or thousands of participants to rooms with a few people present. Regardless of the situation, ensuring you have the proper level of public speaking self confidence will aid you remarkably in this foray.

When it comes to public speaking, possessing self confidence is a must. If you find your self confidence low or nonexistent, the best way to boost it up is to practice, practice, practice. Individuals with high self confidence have an ingrained sense that they can handle any and all situations, regardless who is watching or listening. These individuals are well versed in their specific subject matter and have a good idea of how they are going to present the information so that the audience will have the greatest understanding.

Additionally, these individuals are capable of fielding questions on their particular subject and can explain the topic on several different levels. If you find yourself unable to do this, begin preparing for your public speaking opportunity at once. Ensure your knowledge in the topic is high and seek out to learn as much as you can. This knowledge will help you indefinitely in both planning your speech and delivering the speech to an audience of individuals who may or may not be familiar with it.

Furthermore, in depth knowledge of your subject will aid you immensely when dealing with question and answer sessions that most likely will follow any public speaking opportunity. If necessary, ask other individuals about your topic and be able to explain the topic to individuals of all levels.

When writing your speech, take care to analyze your audience. If you are speaking to individuals who have a great understanding of the topic, you can clearly use a more in depth approach, more acronyms, and more jargon than if speaking to an audience unfamiliar with the subject.

Furthermore, know the average age and educational extent of your audience in order to create a speech that will speak directly to these individuals. After you have written your speech, being making notes and prompts to that use can use when giving your speech in public. Knowing your speech is written to the best of your ability will boost your self confidence, as will having the necessary notes and prompts that you can rely on while giving your speech.

When preparing for your speech, take care to not memorize the content. This may seem like a good idea, but can lead to disasterous results. If you find yourself to be nervous before you present any project or speech to a public audience, you might forget the content of your speech and be forced to pull it together from memory.

Additionally, if you leave out a specific idea or topic from your speech, your audience may not clearly understand the topic of point of your presentation. The best way to prepare for your speech is to make notes that allow cues or special points you should make in your speech. Have a general idea of what you plan to say and ensure the content covers these points.

Also, have any visual materials carefully arranged in the order of presentation so that you will remember to include all items seamlessly in your presentation. Public speaking should not produce a crisis, and ensuring your self confidence is high in yourself and your capabilities will make all the difference in the quality of your presentation.

Obstacles in Building Self-Confidence

Know what’s holding you back.

It’s great that you have decided to build your self-confidence. However, there are a few obstacles that can keep you from achieving your goal. Most of the time, these obstacles are so obvious that they do not seem like obstacles at all, and all you can see is that your resolve to be self-confident is not taking you anywhere. Therefore, it is important to become aware of these seemingly harmless obstacles that have all the power to stop you in your path. Let’s have a look at what could be the reasons that you are not moving ahead in top gear.

Are you undisciplined?

Some people simply have the talent to waste a lot of time without realizing it. They lack the self-discipline to stop their actions that waste time. Imagine a situation wherein you have a list of tasks to be completed successfully as a part of your confidence building program.

However, the moment you enter your home you involuntarily grab the remote and start channel surfing on the idiot box. It’s only after an hour that you realize that you have been vegetating in front of the T.V in the time you had scheduled to do other tasks. You realize that you have already disturbed your schedule. In a self-development program, it’s you and only you who has the power to change yourself. Nobody will come to monitor your actions and progress. You have to keep a watch on your inner graph and see to it that it goes up! Avoid temptations and stick to your schedule.

Are you lazy and keep procrastinating?

Procrastination is one of the greatest and most silent killers of confidence. It does not let you complete your jobs and tasks in time; things keep mounting and finally you get overwhelmed by all the many things that have piled up and need your attention. The very basics of building confidence start with listing little things that are doable. You gain more confidence to take on greater tasks and responsibilities by successfully completing the lighter tasks at hand.

However not being prompt and delaying important things till they become urgent makes you miss the opportunity of working on your confidence and puts you in danger of falling back again into your earlier cycle, thereby wasting all the effort and energy you had put in to becoming aware of your low confidence trap and getting out of it.

Does your old self keep pulling you back?

Assume. Assume. Assume is the technique here. Assume that you are a different person with habits you wanted to inculcate. Imagine the way you would like to be. Imagine a self-confident you taking things in your stride. Then try to bring into your daily actions the way you have imagined yourself to be. “I dream by painting. Then I paint my dream” was the technique what the great painter Vincent Van Gogh followed. Your assumed self will make people react to you in a different way, according to your new self.

This will establish your new self to the world and will help you keep up the new self before it becomes a habit – a second nature! If you behave indecisively and helplessly, you will invoke proportionate reactions from people around you, thereby reinforcing your previous self. This throws you back again. Remember that you cannot get ahead if you keep looking back. Realize this and stop sliding back.

Don’t copy self-confidence. Do not try to become like someone else.

One of the greatest mistakes that people make when trying to increase their low self-confidence is falling in love with an image of their icon who may be a sport star or a film star or any celebrity and then they try to be like them. This is one of the greatest mistakes that people can commit when trying in increase their self-confidence.

You have to be yourself at all costs. Getting inspired is wonderful but merely aping these guys won’t take you anywhere. There is no need for any two people in this universe to be exactly the same. The challenge is to be yourself in a world that is trying to make you like everyone else!

Key to Interview Success: Self Confidence

Searching for employment is one of the stressful times in anyone’s life. The process of preparing a resume, finding the perfect job, and completing an interview may send even the soundest individual into a panic attack. Whereas a resume presents your abilities and experiences on paper, an interview represents you in the first person.

The pressure to present yourself in the best light possible in a short, controlled environment is exceptional, so it is key to keep an air of self confidence during this time. Although there is a fine line between self confidence and arrogance, a prospective employee that enters an interview poised and put together already has an edge on the competition.

Dressing for success is not just a time worn cliché. Individuals who show up to an interview in a thoughtful, put-together outfit will best convey the immediate sense of self confidence. When choosing an interview outfit, carefully consider both the employer and the job opportunity.

Match your clothing to the mood of the office is a must. If you are interviewing for a position in a conservative law firm, consider conservative attire. However, if you are interviewing at an up-start internet company, you may want to rethink conservative attire. Regardless of the individual items you choose to wear, ensuring they are clean, smartly pressed, and well tailored will make all the difference.

In addition to your dress, you should ensure your personal appearance reflects that of a potential employee. For those individuals with physical forms of self-expression, i.e. piercings, tattoos, or extreme dyed hair, you may find interviewers have difficulty getting past your initial appearance.

Before you begin the interview process, take time to review the company’s specific rules regarding appearance. Ensuring your presence is neat will lend to your air of self confidence and appeal to your prospective employer. Take time to evaluate your appearance. Do you need a haircut? Are your nails neatly trimmed and clean? Make all necessary appointments a day or two before your interview.

Of course a potential employer is not just looking for an individual with a put-together outfit and a clean, neatly appearance. Employers are looking for individuals who have the capacity to successfully complete the job at hand. Whatever the job, affiliate yourself with the requirements necessary to fulfill the task. You will soon find that when you are confident in the task, you will exude self confidence and positively influence the interview.

Create a list of potential questions an employer may ask in an interview setting. These questions can relate to your educational background, previous work experience, or your capability to handle the specific job. Once you have created this list, prepare your responses to these questions. Ask a friend or family member to pose as a mock interviewer in order to better prepare you for the actual interview.

Your actions during the interview can also affect the overall outcome. Individuals who possess a great deal of self confidence walk with their head held high, make eye contact, and have firm handshakes. Self confident individuals do not fidget, pull on their clothing, or make movements with their feet. Furthermore, you should take care to speak of your positive attributes and not focus on your negatives or weaknesses.

Be careful not to brag or boast about your current position, educational background, social status, or work experiences. Again, there is a fine line between self confidence and arrogance, and few employers wish to add an arrogant individual to a team of employees. Instead, focus on how your positive aspects can best benefit the job, team, and company. However you choose to tackle your job interview, remember to bring your best attitude and self confidence.

Improving Your Teen’s Self-Esteem

The teenage years are often the most difficult time of childhood. During this time, children are blossoming into adults and struggle to determine the individual identity. It is no shock the teen years are the most dreaded by parents, but these fragile youngsters are at a critical time in their lives.

Often, boundaries are pushed and rules are stretched by a teenager yearning to take that “next step” into adulthood. Teens find themselves not only faced with emotional transitions, but also physical changes. In the midst of these physical and emotional evolutions, a teen’s self-esteem can be compromised. Parents can take certain steps in order to ensure that a child’s self-esteem is not affected by the turbulent teenage years.

The best way to improve your teen’s self-esteem is to take an active role in your child’s life. By knowing his or her interests, friends, strengths, and weaknesses, you will be aware of any problems that may arise. Starting from a young age, instill a positive attitude in your child.

Children who have a great sense of self-worth are more apt to blossom into teenagers with a great sense of self-worth. Take time to talk with your teen instead of talking to your teen. If your child believes his or her opinion or thoughts have an impact in the home front, that individual is more apt to have a greater self-esteem. Allowing your teen to have a say in decisions that affect the entire family will further impress a sense of self-worth, thus positively affect his or her self-esteem.

Children learn by example, and teenagers are no different. Teens whose parents showcase high self-esteem are more likely to exhibit self-esteem. Conversely, parents with low self-esteem or who constantly question their self-worth will pass those traits on to their children simply by their actions. The way you interact with your friends, family members, and colleagues will rub off on your children.

Individuals with low self-esteem set poor examples for their teens and should not be surprised when their teens exhibit similar actions. Children are like a sponge, so take care not to comment negatively towards yourself or others. Many teens with issues regarding their physical appearance learn these behaviors from home. Television, movies, and music play a huge part in any teenager’s life. These outlets seem obsessed with a pre-conceived idea of perfection that will most likely differ from that of the average individual. Take time to speak with your teen regarding these issues.

Interaction with your teenager will allow you first-hand information on any problems he or she may be having and make an attempt to remedy these situations. Often, teenagers are quite sensitive about their appearance due to acne or other issues. If this is the case, consider making an appointment with a dermatologist who will be able to remedy the situation.

Similarly, your teen may be interested in changing his or her appearance to best fit a burgeoning identity, but may be hesitant to approach a parent. Remember, teenagers straddle the line between child and young adult. Although they may yearn to be an adult, the child part still needs reassurance from a parent. If you as a parent feel a requested physical transformation will not benefit your teen, make a compromise. Often, teens are looking to be outrageous in order to push boundaries set by parents. Instead of lowering your teen’s self-esteem by creating a confrontation, create an atmosphere of discussion and compromise.

Open communication cannot be stressed enough. Take time to talk to your teen about their friends, classes, activities, or interests. Teach your teen to accentuate the positive instead of focusing on attributes they see as weak or negative. Instill a sense great self esteem at a young age that will continue with your teen as he or she grows. You may wish to enroll your child in self-esteem building classes or extra curricular activities that will boost their self-worth. Whatever the case, taking an active part in your teen’s life is the best way to see them through this transitional time in their lives with their self-esteem intact.

How to Imbue Self-Confidence in Children

It is very rightly said that what your child does at 13 very much decides what he will be doing at 30. If he learns to hold his head high no matter what comes, he will certainly sow seeds of happiness, success and prosperity that he can reap when he becomes an adult. It is the duty of every parent to create a atmosphere where a child can learn to be self-confident, responsible and courageous. Believe in the ability of your child, encourage him to take initiative and you will be amazed to see what he can do!

Be self-confident as a parent

Children learn by imitating adults, and as parents are the ones who stay the most with the child, the child gets to become like his parents. A self-confident behavior on part of the parent unconsciously establishes self-confident nature as a life skills of the child. A child is a great observer. So much so that it has been said that a child is the father of man!

Observation makes the first half of learning while doing makes the second half. So if he observes you staying idle, not completing your tasks in time, getting confused at the last hour and the resulting fights and bouts of your temper, he might never know the right way to handle situations. He will also be struggling with devils like procrastination and indiscipline.

Give time to your baby

Spending time with your baby is very important. It may be very tempting to put the baby in a daycare and carry on with your day-to-day activities as a parent. You may have an excuse that, after all, you are working so that you can earn and all your earning is for none other than the child.

However, what your child needs is you and your time. His treasures are the games you play with him, the long walks you take him to, the way you help in his studies, and the way you tell him what he means to you. This imbues a sense of security in the child that makes him automatically confident. He knows that he has nothing to worry about. Once your child gets strong and self-confident, he won’t need your money, as he will have the aptitude and strength to go out and earn for himself. As the old proverb goes, give a fish to a man and you take care of him for one day. Teach a man how to fish and you take care of him for a lifetime. That is how it must be!

Be a loveable family

The best thing a man can do for his child is to love his mother. Yes. Nothing works better. Children are the worst sufferers should there be any troubles between you and your spouse. These little souls are too sensitive and your yelling at each other cuts deep in his heart and puts lasting scars. A baby is a gift, the most amazing thing nature can gift you - he is your blood. Make sure you take care of him. Love is the most essential thing of all, for in a home where there is love can happiness and prosperity be far behind?

Have faith in your child

As parents, you may have many concerns about the safety and security of your child, but make sure you don’t overprotect your child. You cannot be everywhere for him and it’s he himself who has to learn to make his mark in this world. Faith is the best encouragement. To be trusted is sometimes an even greater compliment that being loved.

Trust your child and give him small tasks to complete. Nothing is as grand for a child than being given the responsibility to handle a task. He feels honored. His self-worth increases. Guide him to complete task successfully and soon he will have his unique way of doing things. Nature gave him the wings of imagination. Don’t clip them. Encourage him and let him fly.

Build Your Self Confidence

Learn to accept yourself

The very first step is to accept yourself – lovingly. No person in the world in perfect so why bother and shed tears over your imperfectness. This is how God wanted us to be – Imperfect! We might have something that someone else may lack and someone else might be endowed with the qualities, which we lack.

This incompleteness makes us go out and seek companions who make us feel loved, wanted and complete. Oh what a great feeling! Would we experience it if we were inside the cocoon of our perfection? Never! So accept yourself the way you are. It will free your mind of a heavy baggage of unnecessary worries. You will instantly feel light and cheerful.

Liberate yourself - Go out and do what you like!

How long it has been since you last went to have a walk among the pines – something that you loved as a child? How long has it been when you walked hand in hand with your friend to the bakery and tossed a coin to decide what to buy? These might seem very simple things but these simple things have the power to add on to build great confidence and fulfilment.

Life if see is actually quite simple. What gets a bit too complex though is to remain simple. Isn’t it? Just as small drops of water make the mighty ocean, the little things you enjoy doing have the capability to turn you into a storehouse of confidence. When God made you, He put a desire in your heart and bestowed onto you the capability to achieve it.

However, in the process of growing up, you forgot what exactly was your purpose, what is that you liked and what is that you enjoyed doing. It does happen with lots and lots of people who do feel like breaking free but are too tied up in their day to day responsibilities that it gets impossible for them to spare even 10 minutes to reflect on their lives, their direction, their dreams and goals. It’s our duty to clear the mess that prevents us from hearing to our heart.

The conversations with your heart should keep getting clearer and the best way to do it is to find time to do what you enjoy. And since you enjoy doing that activity, it straightaway means that you have all the aptitude and intelligence necessary to do the job effortlessly even though you may not realize it.


Find your flock

Birds of a feather flock together. You must find out people with whom you enjoy being. They are certainly the people of your frequency and the energy flow between you and them is natural.

Life becomes easy when you are among the people who are more or less on the same plane of thought as you and it’s easier to relate to them. They seem to understand you and vice versa thus creating conditions for healthy conversations. A good conversation is a very healthy exercise and an important need of our mind. We all want our ideas to be heard and appreciated and a good company provides platform for the same.

Set Achievable Goals and Go for it!

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. The idea is to begin with a small single step that can then further developed into giant strides. Learn to do the work at hand rather than to overwhelm oneself by looking at the entirety of a mammoth looking task. Just like the soil underneath your foot, the top of mountain too would someday be under your step.

The only way to do something is to Go For It! No matter how small the progress is the focus should be on completing a task successfully even though it’s a small task. A series of big uncompleted task is a sure shot way to depression. Break a big task into a list of small tasks to be completed. Tick off from your list each job successfully completed. A completed task no matter how small it is gives a sense of achievement that boosts our confidence and equips us with more energy to try a bigger task.

How Self Confidence Makes Students Bright

Self-confidence comes handy in all situations of life. Be it an adult or a child or a student, everybody has lots of tasks to complete and self-confidence is necessary to perform tasks successfully. Take the case of school-going children. With so many subjects, they go through a lot of stress. Class tests, debates, term papers, assignments, presentations…the list seems unending.

Having ample self-confidence helps students undergo the stress of school and college education, thereby making a strong foundation to build their future. What is seen as the most important factor that determines the performance of students in school is neither intellect, nor energy or talent. What is? You guessed it right – it is the amount of self-confidence a student has which decides how much he will be able to use his talent, energy and intellect! Let’s see how self confidence makes students soar higher

Self-confident students make the most of the classroom

Self-confident students are able to pay more attention to the teacher in the classroom as they develop an inherent will to succeed and outdo others. They are more focused and do not hesitate to ask questions. Asking questions in the classroom requires certain courage to stand up and interrupt the teacher to ask a question, and it requires self-confidence to do that.

On the other hand, a student lacking self-confidence might not stand up and ask the teacher to explain once more even though he is struggling to get a concept right. This creates obstacles to their learning, as many things remain unclear to them that require further guidance by the teacher.

They make lot of pals

Self-confident students make lot of pals and engage themselves in subject discussions with classmates. This kind of involvement keeps them abreast of the latest, and also acts as a platform to judge their knowledge as compared to other fellow students. Discussions also bring various viewpoints to the forefront in a common place, thereby enriching everyone by giving a multi-angle view of the topic. Self-confident students therefore gain manifold advantages as compared to other students.

Being in a group also help them know about the latest in the field of education, the latest learning software, a certain book which contains a lot of practice questions, an interactive CD recently released, an invite-only seminar on career guidance, scholarship tests of various universities, fee discount on certain courses and so on which keeps them aware of the opportunities ahead and help them tailor their efforts for specific targets while other students keep aloof and depend on whatever they can gather in a single handed way.

They are able to maintain calm while answering questions, therefore making fewer mistakes

It is very important for students to know that their result score depends upon what they write and not upon what they are. No matter how great a genius a student is, he is awarded marks on the basis of what he writes in the answer sheet at the time of examination. A little nervousness, hesitation, and lack of self-belief can let confusion descend and make it difficult for him to tackle even the simplest of questions. A confident student, however, is able to keep his calm and is able to answer questions he has not really prepared for! Such is the magic of self-confidence!

Success attracts success

The marks of term papers, applause during presentations, appreciation from teachers and the opposite sex (don’t neglect this great confidence booster!) boost confidence to help students perform even better in the final exams. Once appreciated, these students immediately get an edge over other students and close competitors and get the ball in their court. The one who has tasted appreciation and acceptance craves it even more. These students will work harder to remain in the limelight. Success, hence, becomes a habit for these students. And why not, they have the greatest weapon to take on their opponents – their self-confidence!

Ensure Your Child Has the Self Confidence to Succeed

Self confidence is an excellent attribute that can help a child succeed from an early age. Instilling self confidence at an early age will enforce the importance of possessing the necessity of this attribute and ensure your child will experience success early on is his or her life.

Low self confidence can be exhibited in many ways depending on your child. There are many cues to look for that can tell if you child is beginning to lose or experiencing low self confidence. These cues can by extreme shyness, hesitance to begin projects, negative attitudes towards him or herself, overt frustration at having to try new things, and inability or fear when it comes to making even the simplest decision.

Parents can begin teaching self confidence immediately after their child is born. Provide endless encouragement when your child is developing new skills or trying new things. Young children especially need encouragement since they are continuing to develop new skills on a daily basis.

Whether physical or mental, these important developmental times can range from your child taking his or her first steps to learning to read. Each step in your child’s development is exceedingly important and, in order to be completed as soon as possible, should be thoroughly reinforced in a positive manner. This positive reinforcement will encourage your child to work harder in completing the task at hand.

Teachers can teach self confidence from the moment a child enters the classroom. Carefully monitor each child’s progress in each subject and skill covered in your curriculum to ensure your students are accomplishing their academic goals and not falling behind with any aspect of your teaching. This is invaluable to teachers of all subjects and all ages of children.

Create ways to praise or reward your students when classroom or individual goals are accomplished. This will encourage children to strive to meet these goals and reinforce their self confidence. Take great care not to use negative measures to reproach or criticize your students. Correcting issues using a positive demeanor can enable the child to understand your point more clearly while retaining their self confidence. Negative tones or attitudes taken towards your students can do considerable harm to both their mental and emotional development and well-being.

Create situations where your child can work on his or her self confidence. Enroll your child in a sports program or other activity to allow him or her to express interests and develop new goals. A child who participates in activities such as athletics, dance, scouts, or music has more opportunities to try new things and develop new skills. These opportunities will allow children to further develop their self confidence while gaining new friends and experiences in these activities.

Take great care to support your child in any activity he or she decides to undertake. Your child may not be the next great baseball player or a world famous piano prodigy, so be aware of the varying levels of success that can be accomplished. A child can succeed by maintaining a positive attitude and attacking each hurdle with enthusiasm and enjoyment.

Do not necessarily associate success in the activity with the overall success of the experience. Even though your child may not be able to dunk a ball with professional precision, he or she will have gained a phenomenal experience and self confidence during the duration of the activity.

When working with children of any age, you must lead by example. If your child shows that you possess a great amount of self confidence, he or she will develop a great amount of self confidence as well. Conversely, if you lack self confidence and show your child this by being negative, hesitant, or meek, he or she will not understand or appreciate the necessity of having high self confidence.

Encouraging Self Esteem in Girls

Children, adolescents, and teenagers generally experience some sort of self esteem issues during one part of the advancement to adulthood. This problem seems to be magnified in girls rather than boys. There are many possible reasons why this seems to be the case, including developmental hormones, different social relationships in girls, and certain other gender differences that add to the problem. If you are a parent of a young girl, you may want to consider her quality of self esteem and work towards reinforcing or boosting your child’s self esteem early on in her development.

There are many resources available to you when looking in to boosting your child’s self esteem. Access the World Wide Web and search different websites that contain information about the development of young girls and how possessing low self esteem can potentially be detrimental to their development. Also, you will be able to contact different parents or guardians in the same situations as yourself.

Consider trading tips or stories with these other virtual friends who share your same goal concerning their own female child. Also, your local library is an excellent resource for information on this topic.

Check out the sections devoted to parenting, development, and the social situations with girls to gain a better understanding of this problem and how not providing a potential solution can be extremely negative to your child. Furthermore, your local bookstore has a phenomenal selection of books that are sure to answer all your questions about the impact of your daughter’s self esteem.

If necessary, you may want to join a discussion or support group regarding in order to speak with other parents about how they are tackling this issue. To find a group that is suitable to your specific needs, you may want to contact your local Department of Parks and Recreation.

Often, city and county parks departments offer parenting classes and can be able to provide you the name and number of a specific group that fits your interest. Also, your local library usually has a list of clubs, groups, and organizations within your community.

By far the best way to better instill the importance of high self esteem in girls is to lead by example. If your daughter sees you suffering from low self esteem or constantly causing another individual to suffer from low self esteem, any lessons you may be able to provide will be lost.

Most importantly, be sure to never berate, insult, or intimidate your daughter, which can potentially cause serious developmental problems that can surface later on in her life. Many girls who suffer mental anguish, teasing, hazing, or bullying have remarkably low levels of self esteem and are often timid, unsure, and hesitant when dealing with other individuals. This problem can pass on into adulthood as the scars of childhood issues make a lasting impact on their self esteem.
Consider speaking with other parents of your daughter’s friends or classmates in order to come up with clever ways to impact the children’s self esteem. Include discussions about self esteem in your daily life.

Encourage your children to read books that put a positive light on growing up and whose main characters are strong and capable girls. Encourage your daughter in all aspects of her life, scholastic, athletic, social, and extracurricular. Sit down with your daughter and write down a set of goals for both you and her to accomplish. When one of these goals is accomplished, be sure to celebrate this marker, no matter how small.

Whatever you decide to do with your daughter, your participation in her life is sure to positively affect her self esteem, in addition to many other factors.

Super Self Confidence - How To Lose It And How You Can Get It Back

by: Steven Harold

It is well worth discussing what self-confidence is, before describing how you can change your low self confidence into healthier and empowering confidence.

As human beings, we action many tasks automatically and without having to think too much about it. An example would be riding a bike. Even though we might have gone through a few years of not using a bike, if we needed to, we would not find any difficulty in getting back on a bicycle and riding again. This is because we have done it so many times before that we know just what to do and do not have to give it too much conscious thought. So if you were to ask someone, how confident are you that you can ride a bike, as long as they had learnt to ride a bike in the past, they would probably say 'very confident'. They feel confident about it because they have done it many many times successfully before. In fact they now give very little thought to actions required to ride a bike. It all happens automatically.

This can be called a type of self confidence. Knowing something so well, that as the saying goes, you could do it with your eyes closed or you know it like the back of your hand.

Now when someone says that they have low confidence, they can so easily make the mistake of encompassing their whole life with this label. They might even say 'I never have any confidence in myself'. By saying this out loud to others who will listen, or even thinking it to themselves, they will be setting up a self-fulfilling prophecy. The label you give yourself or the label you accept as being true will invariably mean that you start to fit yourself to that label, and, can make it your own living reality.

However, that person above will be able to successfully accomplish many things confidently but, and here is the big 'but' they will not use these successes as evidence of confidence. They will dismiss or belittle them in some way (e.g. saying "I was lucky") so that they can maintain this need to say they have no confidence. This is a pity as it is only through taking a realistic view of what happens in their world, will they then be able to feel more confident about themselves.

It can be quite startling how someone will say they have no confidence and yet 5 minutes later they will tell you about some amazing things that they do such as talking in front of 10,000 people, or they go mountain climbing. Despite undertaking these events, which ordinarily seem nerve-wracking events, they may still say that they have low confidence.

So confidence or the lack of it, has a lot to do with how you view yourself. If this is the case then really it is down to a perception. Perceptions are not a true reflection of reality all of the time. Often perceptions, even between just 2 people, can be remarkably different even though these 2 people have in reality, experienced exactly the same thing.

Perceptions are the filters we use to process what happens around us. Our perceptions can make us feel good, bad or indifferent. They can give us a boost of energy or deflate us into an anxious and fearful mass. Our perceptions have power.

Our perceptions are, more often than not, based on our past conscious and subconscious experiences. They are our way of analysing what happens around and enabling us to decide the implications for us. When experiencing anything, our minds will very quickly compare the current experience to past experiences and, these past experiences will indicate how we should react to this current experience. If we have had a bad experience that seems very similar to the current experience, we will feel in a similar way to the feeling we associated with that past bad experience.

So our perceptions are based on past experiences and what we have learned from them.

This gives us a clue about how we can change and become more confident. Our perceptions can be so inaccurate and if they were formed at a young age may also have lacked understanding. Most of us have had the experience of perceiving someone or some situation in a particular way, only to realise that we got it completely wrong. With this in mind, although our perceptions are a form or protection and are meant to enable us to weigh up a situation quickly, they can also be wholly inaccurate.

Healthy and robust self-confidence begins by accepting that your perception of yourself may be wrong in certain matters. For example, some friends will be astounded when someone announces (may be on a drunken evening), that they have low confidence. These friends will say will all sincerity that they find this hard to believe as they always appear confident and in control. Yet that person will still insist that they lack confidence. Obviously the signals that they are externalising are not the same as those that they are internalising. Often the person who appears to be the most confident and out-going will have terrible doubts and internal conflicts. The external bravado will be their way of masking how they feel inside.

Balanced self-confidence begins by admitting and accepting more evidence of what you can do well. It also begins by accepting positive and complimentary comments made to you as well as other forms of evidence. In the past you may have dismissed a positive comment that was said to you because you didn't know how to handle it. You may even have made a joke of it or tried to dig up the tiniest fragment of evidence as to why you don't deserve such praise. Many people say something like this 'Oh, it was nothing'.

It would be virtually impossible to retain your self-confidence if you are someone who always dismisses or belittles their achievements. So make up your mind from today not to do it. Decide from this moment onwards to say just two words when someone says something nice or complimentary to. The two words are 'thank you'. Try it out next time and see how you feel about it. It will help you start to feel the confidence that has always been theyre waiting for you.

About The Author
Steven Harold
Clininical Hypnotherapist http://www.hypnosources.com
Confidence Hypnosis Cd

Dating With Confidence

Dating can be a nerve-wracking experience for many people. After all, you could be meeting your future spouse. It can also be a very vulnerable experience. The whole point of dating (usually) is to get to know someone else on an intimate level, or at least beginning this process. For whatever reason, and there are many, most people want to make a good first impression. At the very least, most people want to avoid rejection. Dating is a prime opportunity for this by its very nature.

Whether you're looking for a fun night out or a long term development, rejection can occur either way, and it can be difficult to deal with. Self-doubt can come in many forms, from questioning one's intelligence to one's looks to one's ability to tell a good joke. Dating puts it all out there.

How can you increase your confidence when it comes to dating? There are a few things you can do, and certain methods are more appropriate for some people than others.


First Things First

A date is just a date. It is not the rest of your life. Yes, you may meet your future spouse, but this is far beyond the scope of the date. At this point, no matter how desperate you may be feeling to finally settle down, focus only on the date. Putting more pressure on it makes it harder for both of you. The other person is likely to sense your "desperation" (for lack of a better word), and you end up putting way to much pressure on yourself. Instead, try focusing on the date itself, not where it may or may not lead.

Enjoy the time together, or, if you don't, try to avoid blaming yourself and going into the litany of self-talk that tries to convince you that you're not worth dating, you'll never find someone, and that you'll be single for the rest of your life.

Be Yourself

Yes, you've heard it many times before, and there's a reason for it. If you do hit it off with the other person, it's best if this happens when you're being true to yourself. If you're "faking" it, you're then faced with coming forward and facing humiliation, rejection, or both, or continuing the facade. This takes a lot of effort, it's dishonest, and you can't keep it up for very long anyway.

So whatever your faults, try not to hide them too much. This doesn't mean that you put them all out on the table on the first date, but it also means that you don't go to extreme measures trying to hide them or pretending to be something or someone you're not.

Get Out of Yourself

To help deal with your insecurities about yourself, try focusing on the other person. Show a genuine interest in what he or she has to say. Be honest and courteous in your responses. Let the other person have the spotlight. Not only does this help keep you from focusing on your insecurities, it also helps accomplish what dates are meant to do--get to know someone else better.

Ask questions, listen to the answers, and ask more. Talk about common interests when you find them. Above all, try to avoid talking about yourself the whole time or worrying too much about how you look, what you're saying, and what type of impression you're making.

Try Something Different

If the idea of sitting through a quiet dinner with someone you barely know makes you break out into a sweat, consider dating activities that involve a bit more involvement. Take a tour through a garden, go rollerblading, or do some other activity that keeps you moving.

If you have something to do, you can focus less on feeling awkward and more on the conversation. It helps keep the atmosphere lighter as well, which can make you both feel more comfortable and confident.